Fear of Failure, Fear of Success

Nothing creative to post today.

Although I have a correction to make in my timeline to post coming up.  A small bit of significant history I forgot to include.  Oh well.

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The second draft of my novel, (currently titled Reimarsoga) is now in the can and I’m letting it cool for a few days before I dig back into it.  I need to give my brain a chance to rest and think.  I have sent it out to a couple of alpha readers for feedback and seeing if I missed some major things that must be addressed, and then we move forward for the third and fourth edits… which I hope will be the last of them thanks to each step involving outside input.

What made the second draft so hard was simply how much new content I had to write.  The first draft was great exploration but when I started learning about editing and better storycraft and functional use of the three act structure, I realized I had a beginning hook and great middle build… but no real conclusion.  Part of this might be because I had expected this to be only the first part of a bigger book (which the remainder is now to become an even bigger second novel), the other is just because of bad planning and storytelling on my part.

So I re-plotted and decided to look at all of the “Chekov’s Guns” I’d drawn in the course of it all.  I considered major tropes that fantasy novels loved to have in.  I thought about all the things that I loved in novels and said:

“Self, you need to fix this and write write write.”

“Okay… but only if you hurry this up, rational thought.  I have a deadline to meet.”

“Deadline, Schmedline.  It’ll be done when it’s done and that’ll be when its good.”  Rational Mind snapped

“Isn’t it always good?” Self whined?

“No.  Now shut up, here’s a Vonnagut colored crayon for your mouth.  Get writing!”

And that was the way of it.  I put out over 120 pages of new content, scattered throughout the entire plotline.  There were so many holes!  Not to mention converting the whole book over from first to third person!  Ugh!  You realize how frustrating that can be?  It may be easy to change “I” to “He” and what not, but just that delay in moving forward can be disheartening.

Then came the worst sensations of the edit:  I started to fear its completion!  One half of the brain was freaking out because the book could suck and I’d be just wasting my time.  Many times I spit the crayon out of my mouth or bit it in two, frustrated at my own inability to make myself coherent.  Time and time again, like many a good writer I suspect, I threw out what I thought was good, but in the ended up with a “this fish tastes funny” so I spit it out and tried again.  At times, I was fortunate enough to be blessed with two very precious people to give me feedback just when I needed it most (take another pair of bows Torfinn and Francois… aren’t they lovely folks?) and help me conquer so many questions that finally… FINALLY, the end was in sight last on Wednesday night.

Then fear of success jumped up and kicked me in the ding ding.  What if I did succeed?  Then what?  I started having a bit of a freak out over that.  Now although it seems to be rare for people to have anxiety over succeeding, I get it, and it can be powerful enough to destroy the whole creative process.  Why?  Because you get comfortable with the creative process and do not wish it to end for fear of not knowing what is next.  Or something else more fitting for your own situation.  So I wrestled with it as it stole my creativity and voice.  It did not want me to produce anything of good enough quality that I could complete the work.  It was not writer’s block per sey for I could pump out pablum and be done with it… but my conscience would not allow that.

Thankfully, I was able to have a small spark of inspiration and make a leap forward and those last pages shot out like a lovely last silver salute and chrysanthemum (know your fireworks), and I could relax.  The hardest work so far was done.

And I was surprised at the peace that I had.  Now it was clear how often I was fearing doing this novel right as much as I was fearing doing it wrong.  I am looking forward to the third edit and the beta read and the cover competition, and hiring an editor…

and finally maybe… just maybe…

making my ultimate deadline and book release dates.

So much more to learn and do.

X-post Fact Toast #1

I publish more often short updates to Facebook, so I decided to start sharing the content here from now on.  They won’t occur on any set schedule, but usually happen after I finish writing for the day, making them erratic and very stream of consciousness.

So my posting will be increasing, but expect the beginning and weekend posts as usual.

 

How odd. Today’s word count: 4,444. Yep. Quad four. LOL
Of course I probably broke 5000, but much of that would be due to editing and little extra sentences and editorial cleanup. Boy, I feel like such a hack at times, but the story’s the thing.

But today was hard. I had to do a hard thing because I got wrapped up in a character and bad things needed to happen. So I did them… and that’s a good place to stop for the day.

One final scene and the battle is over. That leaves only three more to go. Conclusion, separation and resolution. Two of the three have been partially written already.

The Strange Dichotomy I Stumbled Upon

Akiniwazi is a complex project.  It’s roots are based in some big philosophical questions:

  1. Can you make a Christian based “magic system”?
  2. What would the world look like if the Vikings discovered the New World
  3. What would a civilization look like if it discovered steam power but not gunpowder?

Number two and three have been possibly some of the most fun while number one has been the most trying.  When laying out the rules of the world in my mind, and on many scraps of paper (I tell you if this thing becomes a blockbuster, there are going to be so many scraps of real source material floating around for collectors after I die if I don’t burn them).  The biggest, even before I realized the alternative history aspects that are many of its roots is that this is based on the philosophy of what I call the “War Behind the Veil”.  The idea that there is a war between God and his rebellious creations following Lucifer and the effects it has on the physical world.

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Now, originally, this was to be a complete fantasy world with nothing in common to Earth and the world as we knew it.  But… I hit upon a huge problem:  How can you have Jesus and Christianity in truth, if you tamper with the the world and make it all fantasy.

I was stuck!

I realized you could not have that if there were any changes done to the “Old World” of Asia, Africa and Europe.  I had to leave them be, untouched and historically the same.  That single realization was a terror to overcome.  How could I have this setting I envisioned with the world being exactly as it was historically?  Then I stumbled upon it,

The New World can be totally different!

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The map was mutable.  I could make the new world and have it all the way I wanted, save for one last issue:  The Skaerslinger.

It is painfully obvious that I have taken heavily from Native American cultures.  The names of the lakes are taken from corrupted translations of Ojibwa words, for example.  But something I want totally divorced from this is to make the Skaerslinger anything like the actual indigenous people.  While the old world medieval Viking culture and related materials have to be at least honestly researched (maybe not perfect, but darn good enough to satisfy all but the biggest nerds/experts who will pick at this), I needed to abandon the same level of research and historical accuracy to the Skaerslinger.

I can’t do this, because I am not going to be accused of hate speech or racism (though some might try it anyway) because they want real world accuracy on their cultures in a fantasy novel.  So there is a big reason why I have thrown historical research for all New World cultures out the window and thrown in multiple influences into the mix from Celts, Cossack to Zulu to Aztec and Inca.  Plus many other ideas I have that make for a good ‘spice palette’ of the culture as it develops.

There are some very strong black and white lines because that is the nature of the novel, but I do not want to have anyone claim I’m saying “insert Native American culture is Satanic”.  I’m not, and will not.  But there is a reason for the structure, what I have to say and what is to come. It will be illustrated throughout the entire series.

So that’s the strange dichotomy.  All things in the old world and before the discovery of Akiniwazi are going to be considered as truthful and attempts will be made to make it accurate.  The New World, its people and geography and events there are a rapidly diverging splinter timeline and world from the base because it is fantasy and it MUST be.  This gives me freedom to create from raw cloth as well as just spice things up a bit from time to time, or even take interesting aspects from those cultures and use them as a template.

Many of these things will not really come about till book 3-4 I think, but you’ll see hints as we go.

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BTW, I am toying with releasing another sample chapter as it passes through the third or fourth edit.  Let me know below if you want to see another chapter out of the book!

 

 

Akiniwazi Notes: Keeping Time

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I have had trouble a long time with keeping time in my setting till I came up with a better, but more imprecise way of tracking it.  Throughout history, the church has been a primary keeper of time, so have ships for they needed it for navigation, setting of watches et all.  The problem is, clocks were expensive and generally not available.  Most people relied on sundials, hourglasses, water clocks, candle clocks and a variety of other time keeping elements.  This lead to a lot of imprecise understandings of time.  That needed to have some reflection in the setting.  So how to keep time in an organized manner and from a medieval mindset.  I settled on  the use of church Canonical Hours as a compromise.

 

Canonical Hours

This is how time is kept in Akiniwazi on land in three hour blocks. If time is specifically known, it will be referred to as either the 1st, 2nd or 3rd hour or minor of the period.

  • Nocturnes: Midnight-2am
  • Matins: 3am-5am
  • Primae: 6am-8am
  • Terce: 9am-11am
  • Sexte: Noon-2pm
  • Nonae: 3pm to 5pm
  • Vespers: 6pm-8pm
  • Compline: 9pm-11pm

Now time throughout the day is broken into eight three hour blocks which flows more with the rhythm of the setting.  So when you want to say what we recognize as 1200/12pm… aka noon, That is now First Sexte.  Dinner time?  First Vespers or Third Nonae if you meant 1700/5pm.  You see how it flows.  It works well when considering hourly progressions.

The finest reliable method of time keeping I have is by half and quarter hours.  Rarely will they have (or need) a piece of time keeping equipment with fine enough precision for single minutes or less.  Very few mechanical clocks exist in Akiniwazi, Most of the technology did not make the trip over.

Needless to say, it has not been without its own challenges, but it adds a nice flavor in the end.. in my opinion.  Then again, I’m the author, so I’m biased.

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The Editorial Two-Step

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Buster sez, “Ai r nawt teh happiez wif dis process.”

I think I finally burned down the impediments, and now can start the final battle.  Not only literarily… is that even a word?  As well as compositionally.

As I’ve mentioned before, one of my two main characters I’ve driven to a “all is lost moment”, and I just have a little ‘grace note’ of a scene I need to do to drop out the bottom in my other main character so the two are both there.  As I think of it, that scene just grew too into something exciting before the big “Fire in the hole” moment for the battle.  I set my plotline and wove all the pieces together that were fighting me, and I took a few days to let my brain refill, and now… I just need to get real life out of the way so I can push forward.

So why the title?

To get all the weaving done, I was pulling my hair out.  I have in this part, a bit of story that could be off-putting for some of the audience.  I’m going to definately get another alpha reader opinion on it, but once again, one of my sounding board readers in this, Francois, came to the rescue and pointed out where I was overthinking it.  Something I really don’t want to do.  So I wrote, then threw out, wrote then threw out, wrote again… thought about it, forged forward, had another think and a talk, went back and rewrote, throwing a bunch out but not as much as I thought.

The editorial two step.

At work, after listening to the Presidential Debate… wow… just… trust me, my Facebook is a bit singed this morning, I listened to another Creative Penn Podcast and had a nice thought hit me.  I might not get this done before the one year anniversary of my major push starting, but I might be able to do a pre-order for the book and put the first book on sale right out of the gate with maybe some other promo things if it looks like it won’t make it for Christmas.  It’s a thought at least.

So, tonight, when off work, I’m going to hopefully kick off the battle and be one YUGE step forward to polishing this bad boy off… and get to beta readers sooner rather than later.  I was also encouraged by Ms. Penn discussing her need to abandon false deadlines too.  I sighed a large relief at that.  Then realized that she’s also cranking out far more words than I am, so I need to start getting my act together.  Inspiration, not competition… inspiration not competition.

;c)

 

Besides, she already won if it was.

Timeline of Akiniwazi: 1307-1310AD (39-42 Ad Segregationem)

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(Althing – Icelandic Parliament)  Government Thing Viking Law.  If it helps, pronounce it “Ting”.  But this is a real thing.

 

1307AD (39AS) Halmarpakt- Through the planning of his father, Halmar created the “Akiniwazi Union”, unifying all the Jarls and their Aettir into one cohesive government under him. There were now 13 “Royal” Aettir that united under the plan and became known as the Halmarpakt. Seven of them were given control of one of the lakes of the land while the remaining 5 were given major rivers as their lands while the Visekonge held the Kisiina Sea and the Athrflodjt as the personal lands of the Visekonge.

1310AD (42AS) – The Second Royal Census: In the wake of the Union of Akiniwazi’s creation and the naming of the 13 Royal Aettir, many old clans and families demanded some official recognition in compensation for agreeing to the new Halmarpakt. This prompted the order of the Second Royal Census. This was the first since the Isolation began. Many hoped it could help give closure to the era most Forsamling felt. Included in the census was the tracking of all the Aettir in Akiniwazi.

This, when complete, created the “Peerage of the Aettir”. Five distinct levels of peerage were created in the Halmarpakt.

Vapenaettir or “Crested Aettir” were those who had meritorious service to the Royal Aettir and land. They were given the privilege of a recognized coat of arms, motto, colors and family crest. Royal jewelers and metal smiths were directed to present graven copies of these to the heads of the family as templates for their family broaches and other jewelry.

Landetaettir or “Landed Aettir” were provided the privilege of recognized colors. They often were given much better titles and greater power as the Visekonge wished to rule in concert with the forming blocs of power.

Fargataettir or “Colored Aettir” were those who had provided meritorious service or were allied under one of the three Royal Aettir. They were given the distinction of a color, but took the crest of their patron Aettir.

Sivuaettir or “Paged Aettir” were those without land, industry or meritorious service, but could trace back their lineage to the old world and were still a cohesive family. These families were only listed in the Census Registry index. They had no official heraldry permitted. Their only honorific was the page and line number their family was listed on at the time of tabulation. Often Sivuaettir would have broaches and other decorations with the pair of numbers written on it. Although there was no officially recognized hierarchy, it created a social hierarchy and began to reshape society quickly as both new alliances were formed as the new Halmarpakt was accepted.

The result of the Census was grim. From a peak estimate of approximately 16 million people in the land, not including Thralls and Skaerslinger, only 5 million Forsamling survived the Fimbulvetr and the Aettirkriegen.

No More False Deadlines, Mommy Dearest

 

Admit it, you heard the paraphrase in her voice too.

If not, Youtube is your friend.  Look up Mommy Dearest.

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The first time I tried to be a business man/artist, I failed miserably.  Webdesign and the like was not my thing, plus I am a terrible… TERRIBLE salesman.  Not bad for production and back end, but yeah don’t get me involved elsewhere regarding sales.  One thing I learned is that things seem to always take three times longer than you think they will.  As you can imagine, I forgot this rule.

So I’ve blown my latest deadline because the book is just so difficult right now to nail down.  I know this is resistance, and I can see the ending, but boy, I’m really having a hard time getting to the finish line.  Like a marathon runner hitting the wall.  (So I heard.  I don’t run, not even at gunpoint.)

So what’s going on?  Simple.  My ending was more ambitious than my deadline, and I have had to concoct many things and take many other themes hiding in the depths of this story and resolve them.  Now I could have taken the easy way out on it and just glossed over the whole thing and be done with it.  But when I started writing, I promised myself to write something that I would want to read, and this is something I want to read.

I keep thinking back to what it is that I liked about the books I love.  Consider:

“The Hobbit” (even moreso than the Lord of the Rings I love that book)

“The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe”

“Huckleberry Finn”

“Old Times on the Mississippi”

“The Stand”

 

Movies like:

“Runaway Train”

“King of the North Pole”

The “Mad Max” Series

“Last of the Mohicans” (Yes I prefer the movie to the book, but both are excellent)

These are all about adventure while travel.  Nature is often the largest enemy, while human complications make the matters worse.  These things are huge influences on my project, though it seems the more I work on it, the more it starts to feel like “Apocalypse Now”.  Matching wits and danger against the power and majesty of nature.

The finale needed to do several things to make for the best resolution, plus every time I managed to solve the issue, I had something new come about.  I needed to drive my co-protagonist, Brother Finn, to his “All is lost moment”, and then deal with my other co-protagonist, Reimar, to a point where he overcomes his nature.  Both need to happen pretty much at the same time, and I’m finally there.  I just have to put the words on the page to pull it off in such a way that makes sense.

It’s not a YA “Coming of Age” plot, but it has elements of both in it.  It’s more a novel about redemption and learning to stand for something greater than yourself.  Themes I really hope come through and hold true.  We shall see.

So, triple the time, and don’t set up false deadlines.  Let the story tell itself.

I pray that my patience and due diligence pays off in the end.

PS, I am moving my early week blog to Tuesdays for a while, to see what happens.

 

Timeline of Akiniwazi: Aettirkriegen!

After the Fimbulvetr, there was a lot of problems that came up for the Forsamling.  Not only was the threat from without by the Skaerslinger, the threat now came from within!  Get ready for a lot of new terms, for there are a lot of things that must be established.  This is a dense setting and now more than ever able to chart its own course.

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1274-1302AD (6AS – 34AS) : Aettirkrigen (War of the Families)

The Isolation was finally being accepted as fact by the Forsamling and caused a societal breakdown on what had become known as the “Old Nobility” because their attachment to the power of the Old World, which had held some in check, suppressing their desires to seize control. The old lines of control were now threatened or completely fell apart.

Originally, the Forsamling were governed by the Union of Nine. These were the 9 families or “Aettir” who had the power, backed by the old world. Four came from kings, called the Gamleverdenaettir, traced their lineage to the vassals of Sveinn Forkbeard and Knut the Great, and 4 were of the families of the sea captains who had been given control of all travel to and from the old world. With the inability to travel across the ocean the Kapteinaettir waned in power, while the Gamleverdenaettir suffered less of a decline. With the decline of real power and control, new aettir rose to power and became strong enough to rival the Visekonge’s Sveinnaettir, or Royal Dynasty as it was called.

A power struggle began when Visekonge Mikko Sveinnson became ill from an unknown disease and his eldest son died. Although Visekonge Mikko survived, his power to control others was weakened, and his only surviving son, Halmar was considered not strong enough to lead and rally the Aettir to his crown. With the talk of rebellion and open war now spoken openly in the streets, Mikko devised a strategy.

On March of 1280ad (10AS), he abdicated his throne to his eldest remaining son, Halmar Mikkosson. This was unheard of and many claimed he could not do this, for his shadow would be cast over his son’s reign as long as he was alive. He went into hiding. By the summer of that year, it was declared he was dead of the disease that had laid him low the year previous and Halmar’s reign was no longer in question. Yet Mikko remained close to Halmar and advised him constantly from secret.

Sensing the end of the Sviennaettir dynasty, Halmar became a lightning rod, drawing many enemies out into the open hoping to kill him and seize power. They did not think of the hidden threat of his father, who acted as his Chamberlain in disguise and rose up in secret against those enemies. Halmar was gifted at drawing in the power hungry self made nobles, while Mikko guided his military forces to crush the militarily inexperienced “new Jarls”.

The risky gamble worked. With many of the individual rabblerousers dead, many of the “New Jarldoms” were easy to subvert and bring to Halmar’s side. The Gamleverdenaettir were not so easily brought to heel as they saw their opportunity to supplant the Sviennaetta’s control grow when the careless were struck down. This helped them concentrate the discontent into their camp.

Mikko and Halmar now worked more as co-equals as he learned under his father’s tutelage. They used their rising power to divest the formerly loyalist Royal Aettir. Without the backing of the former royal houses of the old world, the Gamleverdenaettir were also weakening. For years they had relied more on tradition than merit to keep control over their holdings. With deft manipulations these weaknesses were exposed and exploited. Mikko rolled out his most cunning plan yet. With power passed from father to eldest surviving son or daughter, the Sviennaettir began a campaign that captured and executed the offspring of those families. Mikko saw it as fitting revenge for those who had hoped to do the same to him.

With the death of their lineage, the heads of the remaining rebellious Gamleverdenaettir sought a diplomatic resolution to the war. They were forced to fall back into line with Halmar. The Aettirkriegen ended displaying that he was both ruthless and now popular with the New Jarldom’s Aettir.

To address the problem of the rising power of what became known as the Nyrjarlaettir, or “New Jarl Clans”, Visekonge Halmar Mikkosson gave six of them the same rights and peerage as the Old World Aettir, while the Gamleverdenaettir and Kapteinaettir were reduced to three each.

Mikko, who had been in poor health lingered till 1306ad till he finally passed and was given a secret burial and his death was not announced until after the last of the Aettir came under fealty to the now well established Visekonge Halmar Mikkosson.

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Next up… the Halmarpakt and Second Royal Census!  (1307-1310AD / 39-42AS)

Edit:  Caught a critical error on the number of Royal Aettir.

A Spot of Housekeeping

I have updated the following pages to consolidate and refine data for your ease of use:

Akiniwazi Timeline

Akiniwazi Main Page

Studio

 

Wordcount Schmerdcount

Yep, last week’s trip to the cottage turned out to be a mistake.

I so cooked off my noodle from the stress and moving back and forth I’ve done no writing since, and I’m pretty ticked off about it.  It was a titanic effort to get that stuff out that I did put out, and I’m still not happy about it.  But tonight, I’m back to the grindstone I think.  I realize part of what had me unable to write, outside of exhaustion was I didn’t like how I got my main characters into the mess to start with.  I had some brilliant bits before and after, but that naughty little in between portion… oooh!

So frustagating!

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Stir fry… because that’s how my brain felt for a week now. Tasty tasty chopped up ideas.

But, last night, I finally calmed down a little at work because I had time to turn around and think for a minute or three, and so I found the flaw, and now know better how to split up my protagonists, drop one in the soup and leave one helpless and needing to be rescued.

I hope y’all are liking the timeline.  Another one will be coming next week once I get back to making the late week post the creative post and the early one more biographical.

Anyway, on a side note, while I’ve let my brain cool, I’ve been playing lots of Guild Wars 2.  Yeahhhhh… we’re kinda hooked.  I’m part of one guild, but am toying with doing a game stream and starting a small guild of my own now that I have a level 80 character to run with.  Anyway… Could be fun.  We’re still contemplating.

That’s all for now.  Maybe there will be a surprise post later, I dunno.  Depends on how my writing goes this weekend.

Toodles for now.

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I can has Charr… miaow.